say what you say, do what you do

Throughout this entire day, every moment I had free time to think, I would rehearse little phrases to myself that I was planning to write in this very blog. Pathetic, right? I was prepared to let it all out, publicize what was being mentioned on blogger and myspace through moods, headlines, top friends, etc in a series of sarcastic remarks and spiteful words.. but then after talking to people who have gone through exactly what I'm going through now, who aren't trying to just help me have the last word in this arguement, who actually have some sense of rationality and aren't so wrapped up in the heat of things, it made me realize how miniscule this all really is.

Basically, our friendships with each other were not ideal. We lacked communication, trust, and respect for one another. We kept our opinions to ourselves to try not to hurt the other person, but in doing that we only hurt our friendship even more in the long run. All I can really say is, I wish I knew about how you all felt about me and the things I've done or said at the times that I do or say them. Who knows, maybe I shouldn't have made so many mistakes or maybe you should have been more honest. Either way, things went down the way that they did and here we are; hurt and broken. But hey, you've got to admit that it wasn't all completely bad and we did have some pretty good times. We had really good laughs and really good memories that were really fun while they lasted, but as the cliche goes, all good things must come to an end at some point. Still, even through all the shit we're going through right now, I just want you to know that I really will miss the good times we had together. Sorry for any mistake I might have unknowingly made and anything I kept to myself that I should have probably voiced to you. We live and we learn.

I've said my apologies, said what I felt were the most necessary things to be said to you, heard what you had to say, and forgave you whether or not you apologized. I hope that someday we'll be friendly again, but until then I want nothing more than to make peace and be civil towards you both. I'm done arguing. I'm so incredibly happy with my life right now, there's no need to feel resentment towards either of you. If anything, thank you for helping me make some realizations about myself that I was too pessimistic to see on my own. Thank you Aus and Ate especially for helping me stay strong, and thank you to those who gave me the opportunity to test that inner strength. I'm excited for what lies ahead.


Thanks for reading. Good night