can't take no mo

Fell asleep earlier than I thought and woke up around 550, forced myself back to sleep and woke up at 830 like a semi-normal teenager would.

Cleaned the shit out of my house because I wanted to go to Steven's little surprise thing, and because ugh, I hate to admit it, I'm trying to be a better child. I am so fucked up to my parents, treat them with no respect. I'm really trying to change that.

Got ready, Aus picked me up around 2ish. We went to Old Navy to get Steven's present then headed to Kim's house. HA, so awkward. Only three people there. More people started showing up and we all ate and watched Step Brothers in her room. Slowly, people started leaving the room and going downstairs, but the movie was good, the bed was good, the food was good, eh. Hahaha, left early so Aus could get to Gabe's.

Chilled at Aus' for like half an hour. Talked deep about life. Got a better perspective. I wish I was capable of calming people down the way that he can. I love him. I need to get my emotions in order. Goal: optimism

Got home around 530 and my parents were surprised to see me. Felt lousy from the entire day and didn't want to spend a Saturday doing shit at home, even though I should really be finishing my drivers ed, or doing homework, or maybe boxing my shit so that I can move into the next room... Oh well, going to the movies with my parents. It'll relieve me of my stress and probably make them happy that I asked to hang out with them for once. They're taking me out to dinner afterwards, I'm feeling Pho. I love my parents.

my eyebrows are crooked

Woke up late, Mom has the day off

1st- "Aced" a quiz, did ma motha fuckin' poem biatch
2nd- Got butt hurt, felt hella stupid. Irrational
3rd- Left to go to M100, they told me about things I already knew. I don't think it was smart to take Humanities doh. We only need 2 years of history!
4th- Convinced Cervero to skip work today since it was Friday. Truths and flaws =/ "you're awful, I LOVE YOU!"
Lunch- Rappers, Martin is hella good. I hella feel like I don't fit in anywhere anymore
5th- Knew all the shit on that science test. Helped Danilo and Armando cheat, of course
6th- Tried to be defiant and didn't dress for sub Davis, that was a huge mistake. Played a hella fun game and kicked ass in heels

Afterschool- Skipped another singing rehearsal ): WHATEVER, I have no lines. Went to Aus' and chilled. I feel hella safe and warm at his house. Not going to lie, sometimes I like his house better than my own. Unfortunately, it was one of my bad days and I was kinda up and down with my emotions, ugh fucking hate that shit. Good ass week doh


HAPPY SWEET 6TEEN ESCALATE!!!

3 hours

1st- I think Hill is stalling. Doesn't know what else to do with us, haha. Memorized the poem! (but not in 5 minutes like some people)
2nd- Was distracted by the boo and completely forgot all my shit in the locker, haha
3rd- Did the parts of the worksheets that didn't need the book. I picked songs, Aus guessed them
4th- GRR! Cervero, I don't like you anymore
Lunch- Hung out in Werris' room and talked about college, her boyf, and teachers. Wtf, weird
5th- Mock test with Hannah, I'm gonna ace that shit
6th- Girl talk in Ms. Jones room. Sometimes I just love PE

Afterschool- "These two hours go by so fast"

Watched this thriller called P2 on Starz. Stalkers are scary.
My mom was right. I can't sleep now that I've taken such a long afternoon nap.
Oh wellllllllll!
TGIF

it's working!

Went downstairs early today. My mom said I was wearing too much makeup, but it all ends up rubbing off anyways. I guess in this case, more is less.

1st- Oh my God. Ms. Hill's class is actually fun to me. Okay, not really.. but it's just great to feel like I'm on top of all my work and she has no reason to yell at me until she explodes. I know fourth quarter will be hell, but as of now, I'm enjoying the ride
2nd- Been on an ultimate high after getting that good score on the exam. I get math, I do my math homework, Aus didn't get sent out today! (:
3rd- Yeah, still hate this class. I should study and stop relying on Tommy and Julie because I honestly feel bad. I really really wanted to be the one to supply the answers this time, but for some reason Jim wouldn't step out of that damn room. Next time, I guess. Sorry guys
4th- Got our books, the end.
5th- Sooo on top of my work in Marte's. I love understanding the concepts that she teaches us. Once again, got to hang out with lab partner #1, Hannah! Talked about throbbing body parts and how they can be such sly devils sometimes hahaha
6th- Finally exercised! Everyone in that class is so damn lazy. I loved working out. Wall sits and jogging and core workouts, yay! I wish Loushin would do this more often.

Afterschool- Tried to get to a thrift store with Aus, Coleen, and Ken. Something happened with Coleen's work schedule so we ended up not going. Napped for almost 2 hours, watched some HIMYM, almost pissed my pants from a tickle attack, fun fun fun. Finally got the usb with the Christmas Eve pictures on it, but once I saw them I wasn't as happy as I thought I'd be. My face is so dead! Blah, thanks anyways Boo (: I love the music

Got home, watched some of the Devil Wears Prada, washed the dishes, and was prepared to go to church with my mom and dad because idk, I still feel really bad about the way I yelled at them. Mom's blood pressure was too high to go anywhere so she stayed home and I cooked her some raviolli. We talked and watched some of the movie. I put away the groceries for her and gave her some frozen veggies to help her relax. It's nice making my mom happy.

Life is good.

the beat goes round and round

Fell asleep on the phone around 1030 and woke up later than usual? Wtf, I hate how that happens. Rush rush rush. Hung out in the cafeteria for a change

1st- Test test test, I hella want a solid A this semester
2nd- Werris is a beezy. Justin laughed at me eat my food in secret
3rd- SSS #3, "we read, but we don't read" ugh
4th- A free day. Sang songs with the boo, I need that CWK album
Lunch- Ate my curry and bought two cookies.
5th- Dealt with "blood" and worked with my #1 lab partner Honda Mae (:
6th- Undefeated at volleyball. I have no idea how we did that, haha

Watched Eagle Eye but fell asleep during the middle. Oh well, the beginning and the end were entertaining enough. Trying to finish homework early, clean my shit hole of a room, find my keys and ID, then wrap christmas presents for my friends because it's almost February HAHA

40 like's

1st- Minutes! sang a cover of somewhere over the rainbow
2nd- Got 116% on my exam! Wtf, my best score. Still didn't beat steven doh ):
3rd- Did basically nothing, Garrison gave us dirty looks as usual
4th- I hate french, I actually loathe 4th period now. I miss the free days
Lunch- Had to break through a wall of guys because they decided it'd be fun to shut me out. Hahaa, niggers (:
5th- Oh so damn easy. I am the shit at Punnet Squares
6th- Played an intense game of volleyball. Ms. Loushin seems like a sucky coach. I fucked up on my serve and she basically rubs it in my face that no one has made a serve in. Wow, thanks for the moral support fatty, bleh

-Confirmation was a bore. The topic was peer pressure but we barely even covered it. The lectures dragged onto some really boring stuff that was completely irrelevent. Blah blah blah, it led to Claire and I counting all the "um"s and "like"s that the speaker would say. Lots. BS'd my saints paper. My new name will be Samantha Dorothy Dris
-Momma picked me up, I went along with her to the bart because she was basically blind and I thought she might get into a crash if I didn't help her watch the road, picked up Dod and talked deep about homework and procrastination, I think I get it all from my dad haha.
-Damnit, I don't think Julie's awake.. I need that Antigone/vocab 17 test!!!

<3

you have no idea!

I'm a monster

Woke up at 640 with a giant pimple on my forehead. Went to church and prayed for two hours. Left around 9, picked up Claire, headed to the city, only had three dollars so we ate enough food samples to fill us up, stood and listened to an hour worth of lectures about abortions, walked from 12-2, walked in between the pro-life and pro-choice people, wish we could have ended the walk near pier 39, stopped near the Golden Gate, played concentration and won that shit, sat in the Safeway parking lot and waited for our rides, got lost in the city, ate at a Ramen noodle house, was pissed that they were making me late for WB, got a ride from Angela who has a little road rage, decided that I never want to join CYM.

Got home around 7, showered, rushed my makeup, rushed my hair, yelled at my parents for helping me, haha, lost my ID, almost sprained my ankle running in Julie's heels. Austin rings the doorbell and he looks great, black shirt and yellow tie to match my big poofy black dress and yellow belt. My dad wants us back by 12, which is incredibily surprising. I wish I wasn't such a bitch to my parents.

Get to the dance around 8 and no one was there! Haha, got my pepperspray and hairspray taken away and went inside into the pitch black gym. More people eventually come, but overall it was a very small group of people. Danced a bit, tried to freak but it's just not for me, saw sides to people that really surprised me, everyone is soo nasty! Hahaha, it was hilarious. Can't deny that the night was fun. Took professional pictures, hated the two that the guy took so I asked for just one more. I hope it turns out alright. Leave around 930-10ish and go to Aus' house.

HELLA FUN NIGHT.
leave at 1130
get home, and die of exhaustion

Yee, love that nigga <3

owoooo

This day is not even worth blogging. Didn't feel like a Friday for some reason

1st- I took down minutes, did my notecard for Werris, was a captain for JC Quote 5
2nd- Thank God I looked over parent graphs and previous SH. My brain was mush by the end of the period
3rd- Got cuties thrown at me, "what's up dog?", "you're a-lyin, you're a cheata!" Got into one of my laughing fits, haha hilarious
4th- Talked and music and I really don't remember. French is boring
Lunch- Ate the lunch that I made, bought my first pizza from the cafeteria, stood around
5th- Hard ass biology test that we all cheated on, Yay
6th- Weight room. Girl talk, hairstyle talk, and embarassing dancing

Afterschool- Went to Drama Club. Aus hung out with Lorenzo, so I sat with Mariko. We did nothing because we do nothing in the play. GAY! Garrison is definitely on my hit list if I ever become a killer. Biased beezy.

Dod picked me up, took a 3 hour nap, hung out with my blind mother after her lasic, practiced in my heels, fixed up my outfit, ordered a pizza, did a survey, ahh Friday.
PS: my dad's a douche lately

S.O.B.

Today was a long ass day. I knew it was going to bad the moment I woke up. Woke up 30 minutes later than usual, Aus texts me saying he's not going to school, my dad has the day off, blah.

1st- Got a C on a test I didn't study for. Hill's class is cake
2nd- Finished super homework. Don't feel confident in the upcoming exam
3rd- Had a sub who looked and smelled like he was dying. Did the entire packet on my own.
4th- Did science homework in French. Some boring and fairly easy exercises
Lunch- I missed the Boo :( It's hard not to feel like I'm unwanted by some people. I just don't understand. Fortunately, Danilo karate chopping Gabe's umbrella in half brought my spirits up before the next period.
5th- Seat changes. Now, instead of Armando in front of me, Danilo is in his place. Our seats are cheating heaven. Surrounded by smarties!
6th- Walked around and played solitaire on my ipod until Loushin told me to put it away. Played basketball with Austin and some filipino basketball prodigy. Bomber says I look funny when I shoot.
Afterschool- Almost cried of laughter from Kyanna's situation. Headed to Werris' and redid superhomework. Gave Calvin a ride home.


Yesterday's one year was successful. I did right in the jacket I bought him. Thank you Julie! Took several naps together, made some food, watched some tv, played some rockband, I love him (: I hope his parents lay off the punishments soon

Tomorrow, Mom gets lasic.

three hundred sixty five

<3

green finger

Today was an amazing day.

Last night, I woke up in a cold sweat from this nightmare about Julie and Austin.

This morning, warmed up with some of Chester's Starbucks.
1st- Headed to Hill's with Calvin since I think I overexhausted Julie from our mall trip. Only missed one question, bitch! Her class is cake as of now.
2nd- Didn't change seats, of course. Watched the inauguration for days. The best parts were when Obama messed up on the oath and the pure enjoyment on the chelloist's face as he played.
Break- I don't know
3rd- Watched Super Star Student shit. Secretly ate food as usual
4th- French was loud today. Helped Samantha Aguas get accustomed to Hill's class and nearly pissed my pants from laughing with Aus. I have the BEST aim.
Lunch- Ew. I was insulted by all the dirty looks. Was able to take little nibbles of everyones food.
5th- Hannah got gum thrown into her hair. I was able to take it out without having to cut or put any gunk into it. Did Danilo's makeup test for him and talked deep about life.
6th- Played tennis with Calvin today. Taught him how I serve, and he learned quickly. Got my ass handed to me.

Afterschool, got a ride from Coleen to Aus' house. Played Rockband and watched an episode of HIMYM. Damn, I want to watch season 3 so badly. That show is sooo funny. Ate some quesadillas with taco sauce and enjoyed our 364th day of being together <3
-Walked to Julie's house and picked up my 2 inch heels for WB. Fuck.. I have no idea how to walk in those things. Looked over tomorrow's test and talked about how today went. Matching rings tomorrow!
-Went to Nick's aunt's birthday party with my mom. Talked to Nick for the first time in months. It was very awkward.

*** Now, I'm setting up for tomorrow. All those goodies and shit. I hope this makes up for christmas. I am sooo excited!! One day, one year, wholllyyyyy wow.

*** WB outfit is all set. Going to do alot of awkward swishing and spinning (: First daaaance

hitting that damn wall

Two essays left for homework. Why can't I get started on them? Got my sparknotes out for the JLC essay and printed out that stupid Hiking Trip story offa that confusing ass website. Bitch ass motha fuckin' Hill. Got 13 hours of sleep last night, but I am just so damn exhausted. Sure wish I had a second semester Hill binder to get me through these rough nights ):


* b/c blogs are always more enjoyable with pictures

this nigga Julie

1/19/09
Woke up feeling like shit, as usual. Went to Ross to return this jacket that I bought that wasn't all that grand but the bitches wouldn't let me return it! Fuckers said it was marked "with hood" and all I could say was "I HAVE NO JACKET WITH A HOOD!" Yay, first time yelling at a cashier. No luck though ):

Go home and sleep for some hours. My parents had to go to Nick's grandparent's 50th anniversary, so they expected me to get a ride to church but I was like fuck that shit nigga. Got hella emo once I was home alone, went through some bad ass crying, Aus comes over and makes me feel soo much better, nastiest shower, walk over to Daniel's in the night.

Get there and see K, W, A, A, P, D, J and this girl that I swore I saw some time before. Drink a bit of throat burning shit and get a little buzzed. Definitely not as fucked up as some people, haha. Watch parts of a Dane Cook movie, laugh at Axl, eat more pizza, leave early because my parents are coming home. "Count down from 20!"

At home it says my parents called 10 times while I was out. Take some sleeping meds to pretend I was sleeping the entire time so I couldn't hear the calls. I am the best liar.

1/20/09
Wake up and hit Ross AGAIN. Talk to the store manager this time and get a refund. Bought a cute ass scarf with store credit (:

Ask Julie if she wants to go to the mall with me. Get there at 1ish, try to shop but end up getting too hungry. Eat some Mongolian BBQ that is hella good and spicy, talk hella deep, get food stuck in my teeth, shop shop shop. HAHA Julie is a life saver. Take some rings until Aus tells me that Daniel got caught ): Spend like an hour just sitting down, resting, and talking. Julie's voice got soo bad, for a while she sounded like a straight up grandma. Bought a smoothie which miraculously made her voice come back a little bit. Tried to shop but got dizzy and tired from the entire day. Sat on another bench and killed time until it was time to go. Yay, fun day.

<3 two days!!<3

bruises

Walked with Momma and Milo around Somerset. Got my exercise on, running with my little fatty of a dog. Ran into Logan, tripped on a curb, ran into this lady who is in love with my singing at church, then ran some more. It felt really really really good to get out and exercise again (:

Got home, showered, then put my face on to go to Ate's house. Spent the car ride quizzing my mom on drivers ed stuff that she totally did not remember. I love my mom when she's not nagging me. Once I was at Ate's she was ready to get out the door and go shopping for my Winter Ball dress, but my mom was really strict on me not spending my money on trivial things so I just ended up shopping in Ate's closet. Tried on hella dresses. Looked at my body in the mirror and realized I was bruised all over. Maybe I should take iron supplements or something during my monthly. Oh well, I hope it subsides by next Saturday because this dress bares it all.

Watched the Franklin vs. Hendo fights online because the fight card wasn't all that amazing. I hella like Shogun's Badboy shorts doh! Can't wait for BJ and GSP - Jan 31st

*** I've given up trying to do anything for my birthday. I feel really selfish trying to make such a big deal out of it. I should just be thankful I'm alive. BUT I'm still getting birthday nails (:

I pinch his butt!

*MY BLOGS ARE TOO LONG*
So I've been doing really well in school lately. I turn in all my homework, done all by myself! I study, don't cheat as much, don't procrastinate as much, etc. At school, however, I haven't been doing very well. What I mean is like, socially.. I suck. I don't know if it's my monthly, or what, but I have just been so jealous, so emotional, so angry, so sad and lonely lately. I feel ugly and weak and completely insecure. I want to say that I feel like no one understands or cares, but I know that's a lie and I'm just being sensitive. I hate hormones so much, they ruin my happy life.

1st- Test, I have no idea what an allusion is
2nd- Quiz, thank God I asked Werris about y-form inverses the day before
3rd- Holocaust Nazi Youth video that wasn't as impacting as I expected it'd be
4th- Some black sub that annoyed the hell out of me the moment he talked
Lunch- Got really frustrated with people. Felt isolated. Tried to keep a good spirit, but I just couldn't. I'm driving everyone mad.
5th- Danilo was gone b/c his head accident. Did a test and Armando copied the entire thing as usual. I'm pro at Punnet squares
6th- Played tennis with Brianna and Melissa. Brianna is sooo short

Afterschool- Checked the cast list, really hoping for Sydney Grimm. Was sad to see that I was a pupeteer, not even a single person. I was, yet again, in a group of people. Not even the main group of singers either - the wolfettes - I was part of a group that wasn't even mentioned in the script. I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I thought my audition was good, but I guess not good enough. Oh well, I won't quit this one. It just sucks ... I tried my hardest, but came up short.

-Got a ride from Kim. Vented about my shitty part, but no one really wanted to hear about it. Left it alone, got a killer stare from some mexican on the street, showed up at Tommy's, tried to watch several movies but really ended up only watching one completely, ate some really filling food, girltalk, chilled on her bed, watched Aus play with the kids, more girltalk, went home at 11, died on my bed. It was really fun despite my bad attitude. Tommy says we're gonna make it a monthly thing (;

kumba ya!

Woke up feeling terrible this morning. My back, knee, and head ached like crazy. Showered for way too long, giving me minimal time to do my makeup. Fuck you monthy bitch

1st- practiced for exit exam. it's useless
2nd- werris keeps burping on me, wtf
3rd- boring ass video, then spring musical music and "girl talk" plus the ho :P
4th- ipod sing-a-longs, with mr. carey as the sub
lunch- was hella surprised when I was completely swiveled around as I tried to rear naked choke aus. "whoa that girl looks like you!" hahahaha
5th- hella mad
6th- got no credit for sitting down and practicing lines, damnit

afterschool- Lorenzo hella broke the promise he made me ): Went to drama club auditions feeling confident. I really really really want that part as Sydney Grimm so I can get that solo!! Mariko did hella well, despite what she says and I figured out she has a hella nice voice. Aus did hella well too, and that nigga barely even looked at those lines! Haha, shit.

-Got a ride from Josh Hair to Aus' house and had fun. No Tommy, I didn't get slapped in the face with his dick or anything hahaha. Impressed him with my newly acquired guitar hero skills and ate some delicious snickerdoodles. Omg, Momma Link makes tasty ass food. Walked home and got no shit from my parents for being home so late, YES!

-Slept for an hour and a half and now gotta do more homework and more drivers ed. I almost read that entire handbook and I still feel like I don't know anything. Too many different numbers and fines and confusing shit that I can't remember. Oh well!

* Can't wait to play rockband
** Can't wait to go to Tommy's house for movie night and prayers! HAHA
*** Can't wait to go to Sac for WB dress shopping and UFC night
**** HOLIDAY (:
***** Wednesday<3

not so sweet 6teen

I didn't do much today. All I can really remember is lying on the courts and trying to memorize my lines during PE. I'm nervous about auditions.

Got home and passed another drivers ed test. At unit 4 now, only seven more to go.

Went to Aus' and created a little xbox character. Had him try to fix my retarded knee because for some reason I can't crouch with my right knee. My mom says I tore a ligament randomly, fuck. Got called a fat whore by a computer. Haha, it's always nice to be at Aus' house (: one week<3<3<3

Ran home as fast as I could, five minutes later my parents came home. Phew, soo fucking close.


*Concerning my birthday: My mom was giving me a guilt trip about how she's too tired and old to make the effort to throw me a party for my birthday. She mentioned that Ate never had a birthday and blah blah blah. Whatever, I feel hella unloved. I'm sorry that you don't want to take one day out of the entire year to throw me a little something nice. Bitch. I just want something special for my sweet 6teen! Fuck, I hope she's just trying to be a bitch to hide a surprise party or something. I really doubt it though, ugh.

** I'm a hypocrite =/

late 70s

The librarian is a beezy. I kinda want to write a letter to the principal to get her fired. She is terrible at what she does. AND the old librarian never made us wait until exactly 730 to come inside. Hello?! It's freezing

1st- Read the Antigone story a little more. I kinda like it, if only I could have had a little more time. She checked JLC notes and I actually had them this semester, fuck yes!
2nd- Figured out I really suck at exponents
break- Lorenzo was supposed to lick Jaypee's tongue .. it never happened ):
3rd- Watched a really boring video that didn't motivate me at all to become a better student. Tried to make my, what is it called .. iris' disappear. I guess I look hella retarded, haha.
4th- Ate some food and kicked it into hyper mode. Had fun listening to music and looking at peanut butter on our fingers. Yay, haha Aus makes me happy.
lunch- Went to the cabinet meeting, but the leaders were fucking late! I left early and went to the swim team meeting with Julie and Aus. I'm kinda excited!! The coaches seem hella chill.
5th- Last day sitting behind Armando :( "Would you rather eat a horse's penis or have sex with a goat?" Learned about homozygous dominant and recessive alleles and hybrids. I love actually knowing what is going on in this class
6th- Tennis. I give up on tennis during PE if I have to use those crappy rackets. Talked with Mariko, Camille, Jessica, Brianna, Melissa, and Myra.

afterschool- Garrison pulled me into drama, I stayed for a while, left, then came back while I waited for my mom. Watched Aus get filmed and was hella proud at all his dramatic pauses! Got picked up by my mom who "accidentally" took my grandma's purse. Went to Coscto and kept saying Exercises?! idk. Got home, died, woke up, and now here.


***CAN'T HAVE A BIRTHDAY PARTY ): what do I do nowwwww?!?!??!

what a wonderful world, nigga

Woke up this morning at 550 exactly. I took a quick ass shower and was able to clean my room and perfect my makeup. Yay, I love my new hot pink GAP sweater. Went outside and saw the beautiful moon in the midst of the fluffy orange clouds. I got to school and felt like today was going to be a good day.

1st- Ms. Hill made us read all period and gave us barely any homework at all. WTF, she is being so unusually nice lately
2nd- Slept
3rd- Studied the first three sections and knew the entire first page of the test. The back screwed me up though. I think I'm actually going to start reading those damn chapters. They made me feel a little smarter
4th- More work, ugh. Listened to some Bright Eyes with Aus<3
5th- Made a baby!!! She looks straight up white doh. What do I name her?
6th- Played tennis and met a douchebag. Those rackets are so gay, I can literally feel the vibration in my wrist as I hit the ball

afterschool- DRAMA. Not even like drama club drama too, it was some scary shit. L and D in a fight with some scary black people over a phone, ahh. Aus got really pissed and I could see the rage in his eyes. No one messes with his boys. Hella sweet the way they all have each others backs. I'm a little worried about how tomorrow will go doh. Oh well, Aus is big and strong and they're all wrestlers anyways. Fuck them niggaz up
-Got a ride home from Chrissean. He's a lot less weird nowadays, haha. Still, he has some odd infatuation with Aus' voice. "You know what they say ..."
-Fun fun, food food, lord of the rings, fun fun, nine days! <3

confirmation- I don't really know where I stand on abortion but that partial birth abortion shit is just NOT right. When will confirmation start getting fun? I hella want more group discussions

bad weekend

Trying to mellow things out. They'll be great soon, duh (: Going to look at the good and less of the bad. I'll be better, I promise. Ten days ten days ten days <333

Went shopping at the Napa Outlets with my mom. There were no sales and not very good stores. Went into this store called American Apparel that I swear I've seen somewhere, and felt like I was in the 80s. I wish I could have bought this ballerina dress, but it was $48. By the end of the day, went to the Gap and stole a couple clearance clothes. Decided that my bag wasn't big enough to steal this $10 sweater, so I just bought it to be a good person. HA! Tried to look for some clothes to buy Aus, but the Gap was a little metro, and my man is a man. Haha, went back to Pacsun and sprayed some Vurt, the end.

Church, then fight in the car. I only got angry because my mom always does this thing where she says maybe to a request of mine when she already knows that it's a no. So basically, she gets my hopes up, only to have them come crashing down. Her excuse was something like "We have alot of other things to do" Bullshit, you could have just told me that before church rather than make me think that there might be a chance that I could get what I wanted. Then it moved on to, "get your priorities straight" "wait until tomorrow" "you take advantage of us as it is" "I took you shopping when I didn't want to" "your room isn't clean" "you could spend time helping me" "you're acting like you're married" blah blah bullshit bullshit blah

Got home. More bad stuff. I hate this place.

I've never been more excited to get to school, hah.

resolutions

so we're almost 2 weeks into 2009 and I have neglected most of the resolutions I said that I wanted to achieve. So far, I've been able to keep my straight A's, do all my homework and focus more, stop drinking soda, get started on drivers ed, and .. that's about it. From this moment on, I'm going to start excercising, eating less and healthier, stopping biting my nails, being more independent, being more optimistic, crying less, getting a job, being a better catholic, etc. It's time to grow up and make up for all the mistakes I've made. I'm going to try to mature, be more mentally strong, and put more trust into my loved ones. Things need to change and they're going to change.

yee

stupidest move I've ever made

I'm a crazy bitch
I'm a crazy bitch
hi-ho the merry-o
I'm a crazy bitch


Thank god I got a second chance.
I am NOT going to screw this up
I am such a crazy stupid bitch


upside:
Hill: A-
Werris: A
Garrison: A
Cervero: A+
Marte: A-
Loushin: A+ excellent student

yeeeeeee

drivers ed online

is fucking long and boring. too much reading that I don't understand. I'd prefer a teacher telling me the main points than me trying to decifer them on my own. the quizzes are nerve racking too. some only give 2 attempts and all the quizzes get averaged. blahhhhhh, I keep thinking to myself. pretty dumb people have their license.. but then again, they probably took the class. fuck.

bipolar bitch

This morning slept in and woke up at 640 when I regularly wake up at 550 to be able to leave at 7. Unusually left the house around 730 but made it to school on time.

1st - eh, 2nd - eh, 3rd - bipolar but semi-fun, 4th - annoyed and confused, 5th - eh, 6th - eh.

afterschool - Got picked up by Daddy Link to go on a double date with Lorenzo and Cathy. Mood swings mood swings mood swings. It's hella crazy how one little thing can ruin a day entirely. Had we all not slept in, my dad wouldn't have taken the day off, he wouldn't have warned me that "he'd be watching", I would have gone to Lorenzo's instead of the movies, I wouldn't have worried to the point that we turn back, all the bitchiness wouldn't have appeared, the tension would have been nonexistent, the day would probably have been fun, and I probably would have gotten home without any suspicion. Fuck. I'm waiting for something good to happen so that I can say "everything happens for a reason", but no. this was shit. Ugh, why do I get like this sometimes? I hella know that I'm being annoying, but I just continue.. wtf, is that just me?

Geez, I just want one of those days where I feel like I'm on top of the fucking world. Thank God for the weekend, some time to get my shit together.

for armando

1st- Did all my homework, hoping for that A on my semester 1 report card
2nd- Ms. Werris noticed my haircut, haha
3rd- Finished the worksheets all on my own, going to study this weekend! Hella excited to read about genocides and shit
4th- Actually did some work in French, it's odd. I don't really like the "no eating" policy doh
5th- Sub, or as he would like to be called "Guest Teacher" It was that annoying ass black guy who subbed for our French class that one time, and even then that ho was annoying as hell! He talks sooo much. Ugh I just hate people that talk like they're hella smart when they're really just bullshitting. Of course the teacher loved Danilo because he knows how to charm all people, but fortunately Armando joined in on my ranting about how irritating this sub was. Geez that guy could talk and talk and talk, ughhhhh!!!!
6th- Mariko, Ms. Loushin, and Bomber helped me put emotion into my drama club lines

afterschool- Went to Ms. Hill's room and tried to get her approve the book that Hannah lent me. Third day in a row that she has rejected my book. Apparently it was too "fluffy" She went on to blabbing about some other book for hours and hours, making me late for drama. Found Aus, headed to the VCAT station, and practiced lines to be filmed. Carla, Aus, that one girl whose name I forgot, and I were the last four to go. Took two takes and was fairly happy with my performance. I still feel really fake, but I did the best of my abilities. I can't wait for the musical on stage though. YES! Finally I can sing and flail my arms this way and that. No more of this, "talking with your eyes"

after afterschool- Got a ride from Momma Link, went to Aus' house and ate a little. Later I suffered the most embarassing moment of my life. Fortunately, Aus is amazing and only teased me lightweight haha. Walked home and napped. This week has been pretty enjoyable. Thirteen days! <3

secret samta

Today, I gave Samantha M her scarf and giant chocolate bar for the sophomore secret santa then later I gave Balls his balls and grip tape for the secret secret santa. I got to wrap the other presents soon, I'm thinking that maybe I should give them all a little more also. Fuck, I wish I had more money.

Last night, my mom said that I couldn't take drivers ed this weekend so I slept from about 7-12 to relieve all my frustration. I guess I'll just take the classes online, fuck. Woke up at 12 and ate steak and mashed potatoes while watching that 70s show season 2 until around 2am.

Afterschool, went to Aus' house and slept on his couch. His momma made some good ass food that looked like it came out of a catalog. Fuck the lunch my mom makes, haha. Planned out his room renovations and then walked home. Made up some bs to my mom about how I hate my drama teacher then started to watch that 70s show again.

Ate finally posted some LA pictures:

Matt Damon!

Disneyland!

Mr. Toad ride

California Adventure!

taught them the "zoo" game: hippo, panda, t-rex, unicorn

Ms. Hill's final

Just took it. Studied my ass off all night until about 2AM and managed to study just enough vocabulary words to leave me feeling confident. Had about an hour and a half and rushed the shit out of the diagramming and the last 30 Qs because she only gave me 15 minutes to finish those. I shouldn't have taken so much time thinking, haha. Tomorrow, got to go to her class during lunch or afterschool and write the thesis paragraph. I'm hoping to pull the semester off with an A- but I find that very unlikely.

Called Aus right after and fortunately he was on his way home from Kaiser and gave me a ride. Hung out at his place for a bit. I was finally able to eat something and the loud, embarassing growling went away. Walked home, then lied to my worried momma. Food, tv, computer, about to start homework since I don't have a Hill binder to copy anymore and I actually have to start doing the work now =/ lame.. but I guess it'll benefit me in the end when we take the 2nd semester final.

Fuck, just one of those moments where I'm being irrational. What did that fortune cookie say again? Something about not being jealous or suspicious if unnecessary. I had better listen to it. Ugh, just got to get offline and keep my mind busy with something else then .. homework would probably be the most productive activity, I guess.

Ps, hope I can take drivers ed this weekend.

last day of freedom

I officially hate school. I know, it hasn't even started and I'm already loathing it. Today was a good, relaxing day. Oh, how I wish everyday was like this! Don't get me wrong, I love to learn .. I just don't have the want to want to learn. I don't know, lately I could give a damn about getting straight A's even if I know that it is absolutely possible if I just focused and tried my best. Damn, does this mean I'm slipping? I mean, I've already given up my dream of becoming the valedictorian, saletatorian (sp), top three, yadayada. It's sad really, I aspire to be nothing but average. My priorities just aren't straight, and that is my own fault. I know I would rather be out with friends, family, the boyf, etc than studying or any other sort of school work. I know I'd rather be on the phone, talking about nothing at all, than reading the next class book in English. I hope that once first semester is officially done and over with, grades are put out and binders can be emptied, I can start over and screw my head back into place.

Today was such a good day. Well, every single day of break were such good days. I can't help but wish it was summer already.

So Wednesday is officially my first day of 2009. My finals are all done by then, the semester officially begins, the holidays are over so the holiday weight must be shed, no soda, possible chopsticks diet, no more nail biting, less procrastination, license, job, college research, etc. Let's hope I can achieve more than half of these things, if not everything.

Now off to studying, FORREAL.. after I call Aus (: can you say all nighter?

no school on monday

yay!

I haven't studied at all.

blah

dear sam,

please study now. you know what to study, so get to it! quit slackin' and don't you dare go to sleep and avoid it all until tomorrow. turn off your phone, turn off the computer, turn on some unfamiliar music, and get to studying!!!! ugh, you're disgraceful.

selfish

it's hard to do the mature thing and think of others before yourself. it's killing me inside, haha. home alone and actually home alone, yuck.

fuck, I should be studying doh..

oh well, on the upside christmas present shopping is donezo. I would have much rather made the gifts, but of course I never follow through.


I am beyond bored, happy friday.

from 2008 to 2009

12/25/08 - Papa's house for christmas with my dad's side. I got zero presents, not even any fucking money! That was a first. Only about 10 people were at the party. Lame. Merry Christmas =/ later that night though, I got presents from my siblings and parents: religious gifts, money, ross card, season 7 of the ultimate fighter, sleeping clothes, a purse, cookbook, agenda, a dress, a cheetah belt, and some other stuff that I can't really remember. I was more than happy by the end of the night (:

12/26/08 - Went to Marine World with Aus and his siblings. Was able to talk to his sister Jen a little more, and got on Cameron and Andrew's good side. I'm a princess, yay! hahaha bought some funnel cake, went home with Aus, out of the blue Julie calls and wants to chill, she gets me a shirt and lip gloss ( I gotta get her something still ), we watch the first part of Teeth which teaches us the definition of vagina dentata, eat a little, move onto watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose, get hella close on the couch, hahahah fun. They leave around midnight or so, I start to freak out about evil spirits, call Kuya to come home, saved.

12/27/08 - Christmas party on my mom's side. It was what Aus would call a "riot" (: everyone was there and there were hella games and raffle tickets and "what happened in 2008" interviews. Unfortunately for "the teens" we were up in Auntie Daisy's room most of the night putting together Inang's scrapbook. It turned out really really great though (: Played a couple of games, and lost $55 in a game called Hip Hip Hooray. Earned a little money performing a couple of songs, and overall got a little over $100, not bad. Unfortunately, I'll be spending that money on chistmas gifts that I owe people.

12/28/08 - Aus comes over for a couple of hours, yay. I get in trouble later, haha

12/29/08 - Kuya's birthday! Go out to lunch with Papa and he talks nonstop about how he plans on beating up Austin, haha. Ate, Kuya, and I watch the Benjamin Button movie which turns out to be really really good. I almost cried by the end. Come home to a house full of BBQ, good ass dinner. Watch some Ultimate Fighter, I go back home with Ate to Sacramento. We talk deep about highschool and boyfriends and all that really deep stuff. Then it moves on to very awkward questions, hahaha what are older sister's for?

12/30/08 - Kuya comes up to Ate's and we go and take our yearly picture. The theme this year was purple and grey. Went to the Arden mall and took some really quick, really great quality pictures. It was by far our best picture. Spent the rest of our time looking for engagement rings for Kuya, it's crazy how he really might get married to Tracy! Found a beautiful amethyst heart necklace that I wanted, $1000 (: hahah ya right. Went out to Pete's pizza and had the most delicious meal ever. Got back to Ate's, got the major munchies, watched the beginning of a three hour musical

12/31/08 - New years eve! aka my dad's birthday. Went to Borders and bought a Man vs. Wild book, bought wine and pickled herring. Got Dod some headphones from Ross and bought myself a pair of black gloves for 99cents! Aus comes over after long discussion over what he should get my dad, he comes over we have a good time eating and watching that really racist Zohan movie. It turns out to be hella funny though. Move on to Mama Mia then segway into Guitar Hero. Midnight comes around and we do our traditional opening of all the drawers, money in the pockets, and jumping at midnight. Started the new year with champagne, hot cocoa, bread and cheese, yum yum yum. Hung out with Aus on the couch until around 1am, he walked home, awesome way to start the new year!

1/1/09! - Didn't do shit, hahaha. Talked with Aus on the phone all night

1/2/09 - Supposed to be studying for Hill's final but I am way too distracted. I shouldn't start the year off procrastinating, but that is exactly what I'm doing. Fuck, I'd rather be in the city right now


*j21 one year one year one year. I'm in love